What A Weird Series, Charlie Brown
by Me
Summary: How to describe it? Little humrour bits of Charlie Brown baseball. There's more in the intro. Can he finally win a championship? Slight changes made in names of players


(Author's note: How do I describe the stories I'd tell from the time I was 3 and started reading "Peanuts?" Well, this is an homage to my childhood and to my favorite comic. Here it aa sort of collage. It stretches from when I started telling fanfiction-type stories at age 3 and 4 (when I was little my endings were really cliche) to the kinds of notions I've added over the years to my original design. It ends right at the present. Sorry these snippets are shorter, I've taken some of my early writings and made them come alive - with corrections, of course. I hope you enjoy it. I don't own anything but my own corniness, plus the ballpark which is modelled after my grandparents' backyard. And I just had to thank him for hours of fun and putting up with me beating him all the time by putting my grandpa in there. I know he's smiling down and reading this. :-)  
  
WHAT A WEIRD SERIES, CHARLIE BROWN  
  
The Team - *=starter  
  
Pitchers: Charlie Brown*, Linus*, Dennis the Menace*, Marmaduke can start, others can relieve  
  
Catcher: Schoeder*, Marmaduke  
  
1st base: Pigpen*, Sally, Ruff (Dennis' dog) (Shermy drops out of sight, so we drop him, Violet, etc. to second string, and move Pigpen from 3rd)  
  
2nd base: Linus*, Billy Keane  
  
Shortstop: Snoopy*,Marmaduke (hey, when you've got a dog this big, he can play wherever he wants :-)  
  
3rd baseb; Billy Keane*, Billy Winslow (Marmaduke's owner)  
  
Outfield: Sally*, Jeffy Keane*, Lucy*; all sorts of defensive replacements like Rerun, Dolly, Barbie Winslow, both Billys, Marmaduke, etc. And, of course, a lineup that is always messy.)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------  
  
Charlie Brown sighed. Twenty-three to four. What a blowout. "We have no talent," he declared. "We're like the '52 Pirates Joe Garagiola always talks about. What we need is a scouting trip. I need some volunteers." Lucy raised her hand. "Okay, thanks, Lucy. Anyone else?"  
  
When Linus raised his hand, Sally asked, "Can I go with my sweet babboo?"  
  
"I am not your 'sweet babboo.'"  
  
"Okay, tell you what. Schroeder, go that way with Linus. Lucy, go with Pigpen, and look around out that way. I'll go with Sally to the next town over that way." They quickly departed. "I can't believe he wouldn't let me go with Schroeder," Lucy said.  
  
"I'll sing something for you, though I can't sing Beethoven," Pigpen said.  
  
Lucy smiled. She didn't know Pigpen could sing. "I didn't realize you could sing, I thought all that dirt would get in your lungs."  
  
"Oh, no, I can sing some songs quite well. There are other singers like me. I'm sure you've heard of Dusty Springfield."  
  
Most people would have simply groaned. Lucy just walked away. She rubbed her hands as she saw a Kindergartener firing a ball through a tire. "Just what we need."  
  
"Why do we need another pitcher? Once Charlie Brown gets that knucklebaall down pat, he'll be a really good pitcher."  
  
"He gave up nineteen walks and fourteen wild pitches today," Lucy complained.  
  
"Yes, but the batter swung on two of those wild pitches."  
  
"Hi, I'm Dennis. What's your name?"  
  
As Lucy and Pigpen introduced themselves, and explained that they were recruiting for a local baseball team, Dennis grinned. "I'd love to play ball with you."  
  
His mother heard and came outside. "I'm sure he'd like to play, but I warn you, he can be ornery sometimes."  
  
"Oh, I'm sure we can handle...hey!" Lucy fell flat on her face as she tried to walk over to Mrs. Mitchell.  
  
"Dennis, I told you not to tie peoples' shoelaces together. Now, you untie those right now?"  
  
"But, Mom, I don't know how?"  
  
Alice Mitchell sighed. "Here, let me help you." She chuckled. "Are you sure you want him on your team?" They nodded. She turned to Pigpen. "Well, okay. You seem to be attracting all the dirt that would normally go on him, so maybe it'll work."  
  
Meanwhile, Charlie Brown and Sally were riding their bikes, when they saw an orange blur coming their way. "Look out," Charlie Brown shouted, instinctively holding out his hand so Sally would stop. Suddenly, the blur stopped, causing the adult walking him to go flying forward thirty feet. The dog, meanwhile, began sniffing Sally's pockets.  
  
"I've never seen an orange cow," Sally exclaimed, thinking this creature was too big to be a dog.  
  
"I hope I never see one," Charlie Brown agreed.  
  
"Well I can surely tell you now...this one smells my bubble gum." Sally pulled out a piece. "Would you like some?"  
  
"Hi, sorry about that. Come here, Marmaduke. Don't worry about him, kids. He's harmless. Unless you don't like big bear hugs."  
  
"I thought he was a dog," Charlie Brown said.  
  
"I've never seen an orange bear," Sally said.  
  
"I hope I never...yes, you have!" Charlie Brown said.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Winnie the Pooh. Anyway, Sir, we're looking for ballplayers for my brother's ball team. They play in a league. And, we could sure use your dog."  
  
"That would be fine." Mr. Winslow smiled. "My kids will want to come too. You'd be getting a great performer, that's for sure."  
  
Linus and Schroder reported that they, too, had acquired three performers. And soon, with a revamped team, the team was rolling, until they landed in the World Series versus the hated Yankees.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------  
  
"And so, here we are," remarked Chris Berman from the studio. "Down to the final game."  
  
"While we know the starters, the true name of the pitcher for each club should be 'allstaff.' Even Dennis Mitchell, who pitched yesterday, should be able to go," Bob Coastas said.  
  
Berman interrupted. "Provided, of course, he's not in the corner at the crucial time. Right, Joe?" he said, turning to the screen and facing color analyst Joe Garagiola.  
  
"That's right, Chris, manager Charlie Brown commented that Dennis the Menace led to the first ever introduction of the penalty box for a baseball game. Well, fans, in just a few minutes, Vin and I will be broadcsting a historic game."  
  
"That's right," Chris said, taking the cue. "Who can forget Billy 'Florida' Keane stealing home to win game 3, or that great catch by Barbie 'Gone With the' Winslow as a sub in game 5, or the later one by Jeffy "Peachy' Keane. Then there was the snappy relief performance by Marmaduke, Duke, Duke of Earl'...or, as Sally said, 'Marmaduke, duke duke duke duke, duke, duke, how many dukes are in this thing again?'" "She thought she'd have to keep going forever," Bob noted.  
  
"Right. And then, there was the wild pitch by Charlie 'Send in the' Brown on the third strike - or maybe it was the passed ball by Schoeder 'Aren't my parents imaginative to give me the same first and last name' Schroeder. The official scorer never did rule." He paused a moment. "Althought maybe that was because Lucy 'in the Sky with Diamonds' Van Pelt yelled at him not to; which may imply it was a passed ball."  
  
"So, what you're saying is, they lost game 4," Bob summarized.  
  
"Exactly. So many golden baseball moments seem to be relived in this magical series, and this team which once was so bad they tried to find a second base coach is now on the verge of being world champions. Now it's time to pull our car out of the Garagiola and take it out to Vin and Joe."  
  
Joe Garagiola said, "Hey, it's a beautiful day for baseball, and apparently for bad puns, eh, Vin? When I was growing up it was Dizzy, Daffy, and so on; now it's 'Hang On, Snoopy.'"  
  
"And, what about those uniforms, Joe? Different colored striples like the Astros' from the early to mid-1980s, but what's that with the jaggedness?"  
  
"I don't know, Vin. All I know is, some might say jagged, rainbow colored stripes on a white shirt look really weird, but you know, that's a lot better than the uniform Charlie Brown tried to design before this. Once he came up with all these shirts with about ten holes in them, because he never could figure out exactly where the sleeves went," Joe said.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------  
  
Charlie Brown looked around him as the game wore on. With a 3-2 lead in the 7th, he spun slowly around.  
  
Schoeder walked out to the mound. "That Don Myer really does a great job with this park."  
  
"Yeah, look at that. He's trimmed that tall shrubbery, with all those leaves. Yet it sits so close in left, it just reminds you of Fenway Park's green wall. It stretches out to center, to a large chain link fence which is a third the height."  
  
"There used to be a nice woodpile in front - what a thing to try and play a ball off of that would be," Schroeder said.  
  
"You said it; then the garden in front of the fence; not that one of our people can hit it there, they're all right handed. And, the shed with all the equipment in right, just down the foul line." Charlie Brown inhaled deeply. "This is baseball."  
  
"Well, it sure isn't golf!" Lucy hollered from the outfield. Linus walked up to them. "You know, that deep center, and the pretty deep right, makes me think of old Forbes Field in Pittsburgh, Charlie Brown. And, I read once where Crosley Field in Cincinnati went uphill a bit toward the fence - well, it does in that garden. And of course, you've got the shrubbery like Wrigley Field."  
  
"Yep. It's a beautiful ball yard. Let's play the game."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------  
  
"They're using Marmaduke as a pinch-runner in the bottom of this inning. They'll be making their defensive substitutions in the top of the eighth. You know, Snoopy is an all-around athlete. He's played at Wimbledon, in the Masters, everywhere. How does a dog do all that, Vin?"  
  
Vin Scully glanced at Joe. "Practice, practice, practice."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------  
  
"Okay, the score is tied at three in the bottom of the ninth. Who do we bring up next?" Charlie Brown asked. "Frieda, right?"  
  
Frieda limped up to them. "Sorry, Coach. I think I strained something when I made that last catch."  
  
Charlie Brown looked at his roster. "Okay, thanks Frieda. Let's see, who can we use?"  
  
Suddenly, out of the tall, tall grasses beyond the shed, so tall they looked like a corn field to the children, ran Rerun. "Hey, that's right. We can use him. Snoopy didn't get banned for the next season for betting with Rerun, after all." Charlie Brown looked at Rerun. "You haven't placed any bets, have you?"  
  
"No. Not after I had to have you win back all my marbles that time." Rerun grabbed a bat.  
  
Rerun, however, did soemthing nobody expected. He swung, and popped up to the catcher.  
  
"Rerun, what were you doing?' Charlie Brown asked.  
  
"I thought ths was supposed to end like 'The Natural.'"  
  
"Okay, who's next?"  
  
"I wish we had a pig. Maybe he could get an inside the pork home run," Jeffy said.  
  
Dolly turned and remarked, "With this team's history, all he'd get would be a ground-hog ruled double."  
  
Lucy scowled. "Besides, everyone knows that the dramatic home run to win the World Series game is cliche, unless you happen to be Kirk Gibson or playing against Mitch Williams."  
  
Billy Winslow said, "Mitch Williams could be on this team, after the lead he blew in game 4 of 1993. You should make him an honorary member."  
  
"Okay, we still need a pinch-hitter. Now, I remember dropping a ball and Snoopy catching it once, we've had the home runs, we had a game won with a stolen base earlier in the series, we've actually had pretty good luck in amongst the bad." Charlie Brown thought for a second. "Of course, that's because it requried all the good luck in the world just to win any games."  
  
Franklin, who was on a different team but was watching, walked up to him and said, "The umpires are expecting us to put another batter up to the plate."  
  
"Okay, tell Dennis to get up - wait, he's not sitting in the corner is he?" He peeked over to the bullpen. "No. Get him up there."  
  
Dennis the Menace bunted, and started running toward first. He plowed into the first baseman, causing a scuffle. Dennis was quickly ejected, and so was the first baseman. The team couldn't score in the bottom of the 9th.  
  
Charlie Brown went out to pitch the 10th. With two outs, the batter hit a long double into center field. The center field threw it into the shortstop, but Snoopy slobbered on the ball and got it very messy for Schroeder. However, he managed to tag the runner out anyway, and preserve the 3-3 tie.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------  
  
Joe said to Vin, "You could hear Charlie Brown screaming from up here. Except, instead of complaining that Pesky held the ball like in '46, fans later might have complain that the shortstop licked the ball."  
  
"Where else but in baseball can you say someone licked the ball," Vin asked. "It's just a good thing Lucy wasn't playing catcher. She never would have touched the ball after it got slobber on it."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------  
  
"Okay, we're still tied in the 10th! We still need to get a run! But, you know what, team! There is one thing that is absolutely certain! Do you know what that is?!"  
  
Lucy raised her hand. "Our uniforms are hideous."  
  
"Besides that, Lucy." Charlie Brown gazed at the lineups. "Okay, we'll go with this. Jeffy, we'll keep you in left, try to draw another walk." He kenw that if Rerun usually walked, Jeffy was sure to. As expected, he did.  
  
Billy Keane walked, too, bringing Linus up. There were no outs, and two runners were on. Charlie Brown walked over to him. "Whatever you do, don't hit into a triple play."  
  
"Well, I was going to try to bunt," he said.  
  
"Then don't bunt into a triple play." Linus looked at him strangely. "Come on, Linus. If it's possible on a baseball field, we've done it."  
  
"This year is different, Charlie Brown. We don't have the same team," Linus said as he strode up to the plate.  
  
He bounded the ball right toward the shortstop. It wouldn't be three, but it could be two - at the very least, Billy or Jeffy would be out...  
  
...No! The ball hit a pebble. It struck the shortstop in the throat. However, it ricocheted to the second baseban on 2nd, and the runner on second was out. First and third, one out.  
  
"How could a ball bounce like that?" charlie Brown exclaimed. "Good grief, of all the bad luck. Pigpen, do your stuff."  
  
Pig pen tried to work up a smoke screen. "Ball one," guessed the umpire as he coughed.  
  
"Hey, time!" The ump began to walk out behind the dust cloud. We'd better call this game for right now, it's so...sunny?" He looked back - the only place the dust was occurring was around Pigpen. When Pigpen stepped back in to bat, it happened again. "Strike." He hacked coughed again.  
  
"That's it, I'm going to have to remove you from the game for your own pretection," the umpire told Pigpen.  
  
"What?!" shouted Charlie Brown. "You can't do that! Lucy, tell him he can't do that."  
  
"Actually, he can. In game 7 of the 1934 Series Joe Medwick was removed for the same reason because Detroit fans were being so abusive," Linus explained while Joe Garagiola was saying the same thing in the broadcast booth.  
  
The pinch hitter made an out, bringing up Schroeder. The organist began to play "Charge!"  
  
Sally ran up to Charlie Brown. "Beethoven!"  
  
"Sally, why are calling me Beethoven?"  
  
"No, big brother, play Beethoven. Lucy was telling me that's all he thinks about when she's over there. Maybe that will inspire him."  
  
Charlie Brown gave his silly little sister a very strange look. That was the nuttiest idea he'd ever heard. Who would ever play Beethoven at a baseball game, anyway?  
  
But, he figured it might just work. Why not? He called up to the organist, and told him to play Beethoven.  
  
All the organist knew of Beethoven was the first four notes of his fifth symphony. So, he just kept playing over and over. The starting pitcher laughed so hard at hearing "duh duh duh duuuuuuuuh" fifteen straight times - how could a live organist be a broken record? - that he hurled the next pitch over the backstop, and the runner from third base scored. Charlie Brown's team won their first ever championship  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------  
  
"I was all ready to hit the ball out of the park, Coach," Schroeder said. "But then that pitcher just threw the wildest pitch I've ever seen." He smiled at Sally as they enjoyed their victory celebration of pizza and soda pop. "Thanks for the idea."  
  
"That was a great idea, Sally," Linus said.  
  
"Well, you know what they say. It's never over, till it's Beethovern."  
  
Charlie Brown began to correct Sally, then stopped. He had long ago given up trying to figure out his little sister.  
  
But, at least he'd kept trying to win a championship. And, now, he had finally won one. 


End file.
